Twitter investors are worried about a lack of mass-market appeal. But I can help them identify the tribes who tweet
OK, how do I say this in 140 characters or less? Bscly, @Twitter's stock is #crashing because nobody's using it. The company has reported a net loss of $645m (£396m) for 2013, prompting panic among investors that the social network still lacks mass-market appeal. As one analyst put it: "Is your mom on Facebook? Yes. You ask that same question about Twitter, the answer is almost always no."
While Twitter might well lack a user base of brokerage firm analyst's mothers, the platform does have 241 million monthly active users. Clearly, some people are using Twitter … but just who are they?
To some degree Twitter has come to resemble a Big Brother house in its variety of inhabitants: it is a highly artificial enclosed environment where celebrities, self-promoters, sociopaths and journalists trade news articles, pictures of their breakfast and the occasional witticism. Here are some of its inhabitants:
*The Egg*
Your mum might well be on Twitter, but she might be cunningly disguised as an Egg. Eggs lurk on Twitter and follow people but never tweet. Occasionally, your mother, who is disguised as an Egg, might call you up to ask you about the contents of a particular tweet, sending you into a momentary flurry of panic.
*Detergent-Endorsed Celebrity Babies*
Kevin Jonas and his wife Danielle announced the birth of their first child recently in a tweet sponsored by Dreft. "My beautiful girl so proud to be a dad. Alena Rose has stolen my heart. @dreft #ad," tweeted Jonas, who was once equally as famous for being a virgin as he was for his singing. Clearly KJ is no longer famous nor a virgin, and has now found it necessary to sell the rights to his firstborn child to a brand of laundry detergent.
This is the first time we've seen a corporate-sponsored childbirth, and I suggest you take a moment to soak in the heartwarming beauty of the occasion with this picture of the happy couple cradling a bottle of Dreft.
*The Person Who Thinks They're Funny*
They're not funny
*The Complainer*
Life is hard, and life is especially hard on The Complainer's Twitter feed, which reads like a litany of low-level disappointment. @Sainsburys I thought your guacamole lacked tang; @TMobile your hold-music is giving me hives; @VirginAtlantic the plane is delayed. If a Twitter account came with a soundtrack, The Complainer's would be accompanied by Morrissey.
*Fitness Freaks*
Wow! Some people love fitness and exercise so much that they feel compelled to interrupt their workout routine to tweet about it. Sometimes they (and "they" normally refers to men) even share a sweat-shimmered selfie as they take a break between reps, usually accompanied with commentary like: "Up early in the gym sculpting my guns."
People who tweet while they work out are not just irritating, they are a danger to themselves and society. I say this from personal experience, after I once attempted to tweet a hilarious observation while jogging and ran straight into a tree. To add insult to injury, I'm pretty sure another jogger then tweeted a picture of my workout malfunction. I also completely forgot what my hilarious observation was.
*The Personal Brand Builder*
These people have a personal brand and they're building it, one tweet at a time. They post inspiring quotes and links to inspiring articles like Seven Ways To Boost Your Brand Before Breakfast #entrepreneur #marketing #business #WOW. Sometimes they feel the need to share their wisdom in more than 140 characters and then you get a splurge of tweets, appended with (1/972), (2/972), etc. They'll retweet praise and they'll often describe themselves with words like "guru" or "ninja". It is highly unlikely they are either of those things.
*Me*
Guys, I'm on Twitter. @ArwaM. Follow me for #entrepreneurial #advice and workout pics. Reported by guardian.co.uk 23 hours ago.
OK, how do I say this in 140 characters or less? Bscly, @Twitter's stock is #crashing because nobody's using it. The company has reported a net loss of $645m (£396m) for 2013, prompting panic among investors that the social network still lacks mass-market appeal. As one analyst put it: "Is your mom on Facebook? Yes. You ask that same question about Twitter, the answer is almost always no."
While Twitter might well lack a user base of brokerage firm analyst's mothers, the platform does have 241 million monthly active users. Clearly, some people are using Twitter … but just who are they?
To some degree Twitter has come to resemble a Big Brother house in its variety of inhabitants: it is a highly artificial enclosed environment where celebrities, self-promoters, sociopaths and journalists trade news articles, pictures of their breakfast and the occasional witticism. Here are some of its inhabitants:
*The Egg*
Your mum might well be on Twitter, but she might be cunningly disguised as an Egg. Eggs lurk on Twitter and follow people but never tweet. Occasionally, your mother, who is disguised as an Egg, might call you up to ask you about the contents of a particular tweet, sending you into a momentary flurry of panic.
*Detergent-Endorsed Celebrity Babies*
Kevin Jonas and his wife Danielle announced the birth of their first child recently in a tweet sponsored by Dreft. "My beautiful girl so proud to be a dad. Alena Rose has stolen my heart. @dreft #ad," tweeted Jonas, who was once equally as famous for being a virgin as he was for his singing. Clearly KJ is no longer famous nor a virgin, and has now found it necessary to sell the rights to his firstborn child to a brand of laundry detergent.
This is the first time we've seen a corporate-sponsored childbirth, and I suggest you take a moment to soak in the heartwarming beauty of the occasion with this picture of the happy couple cradling a bottle of Dreft.
*The Person Who Thinks They're Funny*
They're not funny
*The Complainer*
Life is hard, and life is especially hard on The Complainer's Twitter feed, which reads like a litany of low-level disappointment. @Sainsburys I thought your guacamole lacked tang; @TMobile your hold-music is giving me hives; @VirginAtlantic the plane is delayed. If a Twitter account came with a soundtrack, The Complainer's would be accompanied by Morrissey.
*Fitness Freaks*
Wow! Some people love fitness and exercise so much that they feel compelled to interrupt their workout routine to tweet about it. Sometimes they (and "they" normally refers to men) even share a sweat-shimmered selfie as they take a break between reps, usually accompanied with commentary like: "Up early in the gym sculpting my guns."
People who tweet while they work out are not just irritating, they are a danger to themselves and society. I say this from personal experience, after I once attempted to tweet a hilarious observation while jogging and ran straight into a tree. To add insult to injury, I'm pretty sure another jogger then tweeted a picture of my workout malfunction. I also completely forgot what my hilarious observation was.
*The Personal Brand Builder*
These people have a personal brand and they're building it, one tweet at a time. They post inspiring quotes and links to inspiring articles like Seven Ways To Boost Your Brand Before Breakfast #entrepreneur #marketing #business #WOW. Sometimes they feel the need to share their wisdom in more than 140 characters and then you get a splurge of tweets, appended with (1/972), (2/972), etc. They'll retweet praise and they'll often describe themselves with words like "guru" or "ninja". It is highly unlikely they are either of those things.
*Me*
Guys, I'm on Twitter. @ArwaM. Follow me for #entrepreneurial #advice and workout pics. Reported by guardian.co.uk 23 hours ago.