The competition that has had us all in suspense has finally ended. So who won?
The sharper-eyed among you may have observed that we are currently in the midst of a truly epic tournament; a competition in which women at the peak of their abilities are pushing the human body to its most punishing limits in an awe-inspiring bid for glory. They have trained for years for this moment. Decades, even. Yes, I'm talking about the Helen Flanagan v Luisa Zissman Competitive Boob-Off, which is apparently a thing now.
In case you aren't aware of our plucky contenders, allow me to fill you in. In the red corner: the annoying woman from that reality show. In the blue corner: the annoying woman from that other reality show. One (Flanagan, a sort of human bikini showroom) recently boasted in a newspaper that she had "the best boobs I've ever seen on anyone in the world". This prompted the other (Zissman, a woman dreadful enough to make Jim Davidson look bearable on Celebrity Big Brother) to claim that her boobs were "better", and that this whole mess would best be solved with a "boob-off".
With no clear definition of what a boob-off might entail – surely they would have to charge into each other breast-first on horseback, while a fat medieval king chomped on a chicken leg in the background – it was unclear how this conflict would be resolved. Luckily, the Mail Online Sidebar of Shame rushed to our aid by announcing that Flanagan had become so "hell bent" on "proving the crown should go to her" that on a recent night out she "opted to go bra-less in a daringly low-cut dress".
How would Zissman respond to such a brazen challenge to her integrity? Could Flanagan keep up the punishing ordeal of wearing "a summery frock" that showed "plenty of leg"? Would there ever be peace in our time? Well, finally, I'm pleased to announce that the war is over. And – in true sporting tradition – if you don't want to know the result, look away now:
Flanagan and Zissman have apparently been flooded with offers to appear on TV together. Also, humanity is definitely doomed for ever and ever. Hope that helps. Reported by guardian.co.uk 7 hours ago.
The sharper-eyed among you may have observed that we are currently in the midst of a truly epic tournament; a competition in which women at the peak of their abilities are pushing the human body to its most punishing limits in an awe-inspiring bid for glory. They have trained for years for this moment. Decades, even. Yes, I'm talking about the Helen Flanagan v Luisa Zissman Competitive Boob-Off, which is apparently a thing now.
In case you aren't aware of our plucky contenders, allow me to fill you in. In the red corner: the annoying woman from that reality show. In the blue corner: the annoying woman from that other reality show. One (Flanagan, a sort of human bikini showroom) recently boasted in a newspaper that she had "the best boobs I've ever seen on anyone in the world". This prompted the other (Zissman, a woman dreadful enough to make Jim Davidson look bearable on Celebrity Big Brother) to claim that her boobs were "better", and that this whole mess would best be solved with a "boob-off".
With no clear definition of what a boob-off might entail – surely they would have to charge into each other breast-first on horseback, while a fat medieval king chomped on a chicken leg in the background – it was unclear how this conflict would be resolved. Luckily, the Mail Online Sidebar of Shame rushed to our aid by announcing that Flanagan had become so "hell bent" on "proving the crown should go to her" that on a recent night out she "opted to go bra-less in a daringly low-cut dress".
How would Zissman respond to such a brazen challenge to her integrity? Could Flanagan keep up the punishing ordeal of wearing "a summery frock" that showed "plenty of leg"? Would there ever be peace in our time? Well, finally, I'm pleased to announce that the war is over. And – in true sporting tradition – if you don't want to know the result, look away now:
Flanagan and Zissman have apparently been flooded with offers to appear on TV together. Also, humanity is definitely doomed for ever and ever. Hope that helps. Reported by guardian.co.uk 7 hours ago.